I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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