you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
how drunk are you?
Several
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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