went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's just like the Real World with babies
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
