Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
