I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
