Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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