Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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