God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
