Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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