My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
