I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
