We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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