I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
