Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The air was thick with penises
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
