Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Damn victory sex feels great
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
