i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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