All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
