I wish I could teleport
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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