Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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