She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
