At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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