Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
