why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
