Ambien. No doubt about it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
