i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
