So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
