I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
