And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
