The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
