she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there was a trapeze. enough said
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
