Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
