Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
