Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i believe in u and ur pee
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
