thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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