I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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