Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
