Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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