I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
