Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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