I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We talked him into tasing himself.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
