I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
