dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
