Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
