10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
