Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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