I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
