today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
