Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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