The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
