After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I deserve this hangover.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
