It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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