I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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