i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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