3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
